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What happens in families today? Many are breaking up and others are just holding on and surviving. And we wonder why this is happening. What are the causes? Some couples think that it is due to the lack of contact, others to the many hours of work, to the distancing, and others to the responsibility and commitments with the children. Still, the topic cannot be generalized. Each family is unique. Coexistence is a matter of two and you have to know how to maintain respect and affection.
The family arises from the consolidation of a couple. First, young people meet and fall in love. During this period, they communicate, talk about their projects, concerns, ideas and ideals, their deep desires, and also their fears. One day they decide to get married and start a family. The health of the couple, that is, their way of living, will always determine the well-being of the family, and of the children. If the couple is destabilized, that will reflect on the family.
In many cases, the arrival of the children increases certain difficulties, which worsen the couple's relationship for various reasons:
- Increased responsibilities. I take responsibility for a son until he can take responsibility for himself.
- The exaltation of motherhood. The woman stops being a wife and becomes only a mother; the father may feel displaced.
- Maternity and career development. Coincidence of the moment of motherhood with the moment of professional development. It demands that we turn more to the job.
- Different educational criteria. The mother and father do not reconcile these criteria and that ends up causing friction or distancing between the couple.
- Less time for the couple. Children often require more attention than normal and that means that the members of the couple have less time to be together.
- Economic problems. The difficulties to make ends meet also influence the relationship, as well as pressure from political families, overwork outside the home, the ambition to achieve a better job, a better salary, etc.
According to some studies, one of the most important differences between couples who get along and others is the depth of their communication. Over time, communication in the couple becomes weak and impoverished. It cannot be ignored that we are two different people, with different needs, concerns, desires, and fears.
It is difficult for us to recognize and accept the other as he is. Faced with these difficulties, many times we keep quiet and that is where the deterioration in communication begins. One thing is clear: a couple, no matter how long they live together, never stop knowing each other. A deep relationship depends on:
- A greater depth in the communication.
- A greater need to improve our ability to listen, to understanding, of putting oneself in the other's place.
- A better nonverbal language. Actions speak louder than words. Someday our children will have their own partner and will encounter difficulties similar to the ones we face today.
It is necessary to reflect and the couple must ask themselves: have we been able to teach or transmit them how to solve their relationship problems? Have we prepared them to overcome their difficulties? The answer will be in today's family nucleus, in the example that we give him every day. Therefore, we cannot be content with being a mediocre couple. The well-being of a couple is a daily construction, and of TWO.
Conference How to live with your children and that your marriage does not die trying, Susana Pradera and José Luis Mata, from the Asociación Encuentro Matrimonial
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