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It is one thing to take care of and protect your children and another is to become a mother hen. Do you know what it is exactly? It is actually a pathology that leads some mothers to overprotect their children. And not only when they are children. But throughout his life.
Hens incubate their eggs until the chick hatches. While they are young, the chicks follow their mother hen everywhere. But growing up ... each one becomes independent and continues his life. But some women do not assume this part, and continue to 'demand that their chicks follow it', like a mother hen ... And it is not good, of course. We explain why you should stop being a mother hen (if you are) for the sake of your children.
The 'mother chickens' are those who love their children very much, but overprotect their children for fear that something bad might happen to them. It is as if he always had them under his wing, protected from the outside. So it doesn't let them face challenges, obstacles and interact freely with their environment.
The main characteristics of these mothers are:
- They constantly monitor their child. What do they do, who do they play with ...
- They monitor their child's friendships and even intervene in them.
- They do not let their child be alone, or do anything without help on his own.
- They finish all their child's work to avoid problems.
- Create in their children a relationship of dependency with them. When they are older, their children continue to be attached to them and this makes it difficult for them to interact with other people.
- They think their children are fragile. But not only when they are small (all babies are fragile), but they continue to believe this as they grow. For this reason, among his most repeated phrases, there are those of warning before a danger: 'Do not jump that you are going to fall', 'Do not approach that you get burned', 'Do not go on the excursion that something may happen to you ...' .
- Create in your children a feeling of guilt to keep them under control. If you can make your kids feel guilty about doing something for themselves, you can always keep them in check.
- They use emotional blackmail to have their children always close. They are the typical mothers who, when faced with an attempt at independence from their children (now grown up), say the typical: 'but how do you leave me alone ... how do you do this to me, that I have given you everything'. Or: 'where are you going to be better than here with your mother?'
By depriving children of facing the outside world, full of challenges and possible dangers for them, the 'mother hen' does not do her children any good. The other way around: you are causing them all these problems with your attitude:
1. Low tolerance for frustration:He won't be able to tolerate the frustration because they never let him face it.
2. Lack of social skills: your child will not be able to relate to others. Because he just never did it as a child, in the stage of learning social relationships.
3. Full of fears: It will be fearful, fearful. Normal, because the 'mother hen' did nothing more than warn her son from a young age about the amount of dangers that lie in wait for him.
4. Lack of autonomy: He will not be autonomous and will have problems when he becomes independent
5. Their objectives are not clear: When they were little they got everything done, so when they grow up, these children will have trouble choosing between several options. Above all, because their objectives will not be clear.
6. Conflictive adolescence. Experts speak of this relationship as a 'stormy' relationship. Many of these 'mother hen' children attempt to 'go outside' during adolescence. They constantly prevent them from 'flying', thus creating a rather stormy relationship.
7. Problematic youth and adults. The children of the 'mother hen' end up being either very passive because they allow themselves to be dominated, or terribly rebellious by constantly defying the impositions of their mother. In both cases, they will run into numerous problems when they grow up.
Definitely, it would be best to find a middle ground: protect, yes, but without overprotecting. To guide, yes, but without forgetting to leave a certain independence so that the child is able to choose, make mistakes, fall and get up ...
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